enough

i'd rather lie in bed doing nothing than to see or talk to you.

♥ Lynn

seeing bloody murder

alright i've been utterly horrible.

a few interesting things have happened to me.

lets start with the fight.

zeke and cara rented out their house to one of cara's friends-charlotte.

charlotte is one of cara's friends from church and after the whole incident with jaeson (stupid flasher) we thought that charlotte being one of cara's friends and all should be more responsible.

i went to do one of the house checkups on the 22nd and guess what i found?

i found the fridge open, rubbish bin right in front of the front door, recycle bin missing, food in pans on the stove, rubbish bin filled to the brim with food.

i was seething with anger!

i saw freaking red.

i called zeke and complained my heart out to him and when he told cara, cara told him that charlotte was on holiday and had been for over a week.

and i thought i was seeing red then.

this time.. i saw bloody murder.

dustbin right in front of the house gave away that the house has been unoccupied - what if ther ehad been a burglary? would she have been accountable for the damages then?

what about the pests that feasted on her leftover toast on the stove and the pile of rubbish in the bins?

what about the open fridge?!

anyway, the point was when she got back i confronted her and her excuse was this;

"you occasionally come in to clear up the mess how was i to know i had to tell you i was on holiday, how was i to know you were more than just the maid of the house?"

and i lost it right there and then.

in short it ended up in her being kicked out.

i went to work that night wanting to stab every customer with forks and when i got off work, i got over 20 missed calls from her.

lets just for the sake of the story ignore the fact that she apologised and promise to take better care of the house, shall we?

♥ Lynn

it bothers me.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

the cut.

a couple of days ago i got this call from a friend of mine at 12.40am asking for a favour.

i said i'd help him out even though it would be zeke doing the 'work'

(i'm sorry baby, i should have asked you if its okay first)

and then i realized, why should i?

you. piss. me. off.

what got me really pissed off was that this guy couldn't even call me when i was interested to go to his youth group after promising numerous times (in front of mutual friends) since the beginning of the year, couldnt even call me when a friend of ours, alison, came down for a week to visit. even when i called and messaged him while she was down, he didnt pick up is phone or reply any of the messages.

first of all, he doesnt talk to me unless he wants something or talk about girls/religion/relationships (i know that is alot to talk about but less than 5 times a year for a conversation is pretty little, no?)

second of all, you call me in the middle of the night, asking for a favour and then i find out that the reason why you're even calling me is because its a favour for your girlfriend.

what the fuck is this?

you. are. an. ass.

you preach your messages but it all doesnt mean shit.

you talk big about wanting to bring me to church but never get back to me about the timings and when they are going to happen (because they arent on every week).

okay, i'm not pissed. rather, i'm disappointed. disappointed in people like you.

you make promises you cant keep.

your hypocrisy sickens me.

its sad, really. that we used to be close once (even though you did frame me for loosing our homework when you had it the whole time) and now, we're just associates, barely even that.

life moves on.

and we make better friends as we grow up.

i know i have.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

ticked

gets really annoyed when people who havent bothered to maintain their friendship with you calls you out of the blue and asks for a favor.

what. the. fuck.

its not a problem to do a favor for you but please, at least have the decency to maintain contact. and also, a thank you after would be good.

ass.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

i think exam stress is making me emotional.

if someone you loved were put under anesthesia and they were going to die..

you've been given 2 choices

1. to just continue the anesthesia so that they would live just that little bit longer

or

2. to slowly take them off the anesthesia so that you can say goodbye

i wouldnt know what to do.

to not say goodbye would kill me emotionally forever.

to say goodbye would do the same PLUS i wouldnt know what to say.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

mother what?

sometimes it really bugs me when my parents call richie and sha their children

really, to be honest, nothing against them

nothing wrong with joking and calling richie and sha their children because they spend every weekend over here

but it just really bugs me when they do that and ignore their biological kids..

.. when they do all those little things that just makes me and yin just want to roll our eyes and throw up.

i mean, its not like they (the rents) do one big thing that pisses people..

its a combination of them being so much nicer to them, changing their tone when they're talking to us and to zik, how my mother's starting to boss zik around (i mean, to ask to do take out the trash when zik comes over is fine but to keep demanding to 'DO THIS' or to 'DO THAT' to a guest is a little much), to do the 'lets put my children down because, hey! i made them!',

i'm frustrated.. can you tell?

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

fck off.

i'm grouchy and i've been temperamental..why?

its just a little odd..

you know how when you feel like there's something wrong and you just dont know how to put your finger on it?

i dont know..

has our fire gone out?

are we taking each other forgranted?

maybe.

is it uniwork?

is it because i work and work and only succeed in making myself feel stupider with the amount of things i dont know?

i wish uni will just give me a fucking break already

i fucking hate this stupid paper after paper and assessment after assessment shit.

fuck you biochemistry. fuck microbiology, immunology. fuck you cell bio.

stop fucking toying with me already.

jesus.

fuck.

i just want to curl up under a rock and rot.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

i cant stand it when..

it annoys me when i need to do work but just dont seem to be able to do anything productive (unless you count folding all the clothes i've let pile up in a corner of my room).

seriously. my brain capacity has decreased a hundred fold.

this afternoon, there was this crossword thing which clue said heavenly body for 4 places and i said NICE because for some reason, i thought in a very 'man' way and you know how they leer and women's body and comment and..

shuttup.

i know i know.

dumb.

anyway, classes today and coz i've been kinda sick for the past few days i fell asleep on zik during our biochemistry class and.. goddamnit i had zipper imprints on my cheek!

the shame! the shame!!!

anyway, after all our classes, zik and i headed over to this place to get our hair cut. i think zik looks so much like an anime character now (especially so because we did his hair red yesterday)

i would put pictures up but for some reason, the phone didnt save any of the pictures i took today :(

i had really cute pictures of puppies from the pet store too! :(

anyway, we both left the hairdressers pleased and zeke commented that i kept running my hands through my hair. its so much lighter!

it must be a third time lucky thing or sumthing because after disaster dye (disaster 1) with the bleached streaks last year and disaster 2 with the perming in singapore, i was about to give up on hairdressers.

my hair is so damaged that i want to cry buckets and be unreasonable but today's hairdresser was a doll.

she helped me subtly rid my head of the streaks.

after that, zik and i hung out at melbourne central for a little bit. <3>


the other one.. you'll just have to wait. or maybe not because its not as designed as the one on top :)

meh. it amuses me when people photoshop nipples away from lingerie adverts
so unnatural!

its like i'm staring at some alien.

eek!

go forth and photoshop nipples on titless models!

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

to the coldest sniffiest autumn

i have lost the inspiration to study.

tragic.

and i have two papers on friday that contribute buttock amounts to the final grade and i can only say..

fucketh art i.

damnit.

on a little lighter scale..

zik and i have been eating heaps of jap food at this little jap place at QV
i think i spoke about it a little while ago and it was good.. then. but after going there a couple of times we realized that the food quality was going down. down! and the last time i went there for sushi, their salmon gave my stomach grief :( their takoyaki's are to die for tho XD

so, because of the papers coming up, zik and i have been(trying) to study

and decided to go to fall's creek to ski in july ~

the place looks a little too good.. I DONT WANT TO BE DISSAPOINTED!



oh yes, its gonna be a good holiday :)

not to mention that the snow is gonna be so good because its been the coldest autumn ever and its already snowing in the mountains anyway! MONTHS EARLY and its not expected to stop snowing any time soon XD

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

obsidian butterfly

lets just say that i've never seen zik look so like this..

ever since when is my boyfriend so cute-y and innocent?! :p

how la if he's like that?! EVERYONE surely say that i'm a pedophille!!!

i guess i'm just a little.. wow-ed because.. he really does look like shan!

i'd put pictures of her up but she might not like it (shy la shy laaa) so.. beg on the chatterbox and we'll see if she hears your plea.

anyway, lets start from the very beginning.

the day started out with uni

so what else is new

i hate my fridays because i have my classes.. 4 hours in a row where the only break i get is running from one end of uni to the other.

classes from 11-3.15 isnt something to be tampered with.

and before you do a smug "change your timetable (lahh~)!!!"

i cant because for those classes (microbiology and immunology lecture, biochemistry lecture, techniques in protein and gene technology tute, microbiology and immunology revision lecture) , my friend, are the only times that the classes are on.

the timings are odd as fuck because its too late for breakfast and too early for lunch and by the time you're done.. its too late for lunch.

which sort of leads into my other part of my despair-ish friday..

after my immunology revision lecture, i have one hour to rest before i have to head off for work.

yes, i think 3-4 is too early for dinner.

sigh, my friends, there is no way to beat time, university and work on fridays.

but as luck will have it, immunology revision lecture did not run today so zik and i had time to muck around.

an hour well spent on watching prison break, an hour devouring KFC and messing around melbourne central,

the modern day, no makeup wearing, snow white monstrosityand yes, i was trying to pout and look cute when zik snapped the picture.

and then the travelling to work at satsuki and the bumming at the park with my boyfriend who was an angel and three quarters to 'send me to work'.

yes, the boyfriend who scares me to death because he climbs not so little kiddie playgrounds

one day isaac han, your kids will climb those things and give us both big fat heart attacks!

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

guess

there's something about 'the prayer' (the one sung by celine dion and josh groban) that just makes me feel like.. whoah.

the prayer

I pray You’ll be our eyes,
and watch us where we go,
and help us to be wise
in times when we don’t know.

Let this be our prayer
when we lose our way:

Lead us to a place,
Guide us with Your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe.

La luce che Tu dai (The light that You give us)
I pray we’ll find Your light
Nel cuore resterà (will stay in our hearts)
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che (reminding us that…)
When stars go out each night
L’eterna stella sei (You are the everlasting star).

Nella mia preghiera (In my prayer).
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c’è (there’s so much faith)
When shadows fill our day:

Lead us to a place,
Guide us with Your grace,
Give us faith so we’ll be safe.

Sognamo un mondo senza più violenza (We dream [ of ] a world without more violence)
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza (A world of justice and of hope).
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino (Everyone give your hand to your neighbor),
Simbolo di pace e di fraternità (Symbol of peace and brotherhood)

La forza che ci dai (The strength You give us)
We ask that life be kind
È il desiderio che (is the wish that)
And watch us from above.
Ognuno trovi amore (everyone may find love)
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a sè (around and within himself)
Another soul to love.

Let this be our prayer
(Let this be our prayer)
Just like every child
(Just like every child)
Needs to find a place:

Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe.

E la fede che (And the faith that)
Hai acceso in noi (You have lit inside us)
Sento che ci salverà (I believe will save us).

***

the other day, zik and i had the mother of all fights and as we lay in bed contemplating if it would be better to just move on or to hold on to this amazing thing that we have.. i swear i knew that if i let go there and then.. i was gonna be walking away from everything.

i swear my heart stopped beating.

dont tell me i'm such a cliche right now because i dont give a fuck.

so much for a new years resolution. i still dress bummy to uni-but its mostly because i dont have enough clothes to dress un-bummy all the time.

meh!

i shall buy a new jacket because my old one looks like its gonna break apart any minute. a light jacket that's NOT plain black (black is acceptable if designed really nice), clothesssssssss

oh god..

i cant be thinking about shopping right now! not when i have mid sems tomorrow.. TODAY!

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

i'm crippled by the pain i keep on closing

i feel like i'm the reason for everything wrong in your life..

if i werent this, if i werent that.

would you be happier?

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

dysfunctional

i wonder if i move out what'll i do..

there'd be no way in hell i'd be able to support myself with work and uni.

meh.

life's a bitch.

frustrated.

infuriated.

headache-ing already larrrr.

i wont be able to survive here because i will die (probably from nagging/fighting/screaming overload) and i wont be able to survive out there because i'd also die (mostly from hunger but maybe thats a good thing coz i've expanded to the size of hippopotamuses and have thighs that resemble Trex's and arms that thinks like its the BRITISH during WW2).

oh jebus.

i'm pretty much fucked dont i just wish.. and fat.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

waves that drown yet saves me.

sometimes in relationships, we say things that we dont mean, and its pretty normal..

.. its just that sometimes, the little lies can build up and at costs that we'd rather turn a blind eye to.

sometimes, we snap at the ones we love..

little words can cut deep. perhaps not as deep as we'd like to think but sometimes, it cuts through the scars, the nightmares, of the past

sometimes, we'd rather live in dreams but reality always fucking catches up.. to break our spirits.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

9

UGH

sometimes, i really think that god is playing an utter horrible prank on me.

he's such a bully!

i got up early (okok, leets give credit where its due..) because isaac called me to wake me up. god knws that i wouldnt have woken up if he hadnt had called me and ensured that i walked to the bathroom for a wash up.

god damnit.

i woke up EARLY to go for my Australian Flora And Fauna tutorial for the first time (because i just always crash the 10.00am Wednesday one instead) AND I FIND THAT THERE IS NO CLASS ON THIS WEEK.

why?

because we have an assignment due this friday which is so utterly painfully boring and dull and annoying that i havent even bothered to write answers down into the answer booklet even if i have researched it all.

ngeh.

I COULD HAVE SLEPT IN AND WOKEN UP AT 2pm!!

so now i am forced to go for the 10.00am chem lecture followed by my 11.00am bio lecture then the 12.00pm psych lecture (which i havent attnded in over 2 weeks).

i swear, zik and i try to go to class.

blame it on the weather, the boring lecturer, our lack of self control but not on us :p

yes, yes, i am immature

but then again..

i am still 'only' 18 :p

not to mention that i am dragging my psychology text book around for my psychology assignment.

hmm..

i wonder if zik would allow me to use his room while he goes for hte later chem and bio lectures because i would never get work done at home.

there are too many people pointing out what i am not doing right..

.. WHEN I AM TRYING TO DO MY ASSIGNMENT.

okay, okay, i left it for the last minute but not my fault that psych has to choose shitty topics.

there i go again, immature-ing again..

lovess :)

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

self inflicted torture.

i know i shouldnt blame you.

yet i do.

i know its wrong.

yet i do anyway.

its just that i am so fucking sick of caring.

trying to do the right thing or trying to set things right fucks everything else up.

i'm cracking..

.. and we're cracking because of it.

its what you wanted right?














i'm not gonna give in.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]

my computer in PMS-ing

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY COMPUTER THAT IT DOESNT ALLOW ME TO LOG THE FUCK ON!?!?

its not funny. its not funny at all.

what the fuck?

i logged on this afternoon at 2.00pm and worked perfectly.

i log on 4 hours later and there's a problem.

WHAT THE HELL

i am annoyed and panicky enough as it is coz i didnt back up last months photos yet and alot of my songs on the itunes and i do not need my mother to tell me that i have been spending too much time online that is why my computer is being a fucking bitch neither do i need my sister to tell me that i probably downloaded a virus or some shit

i did not download ANYTHING the last time i went online.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

ughhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

i am so frustrated, its not funny.

blogging with my mother's computer is a bitch and a half (which i am doing now).

please let my dad come back soon and probably hear about my computer's bitchy ways before he flies back so that he can spoil me with a new computer so that i will not have to turn to hybernating in my bed with 'the assistant' and my ipod.

guys, i am depressed. utterly annoyed. and definately jittery.

i need my computer to work.

xoxo
you know you love me

[ l y n n d u l g e n c e p r o d u c t i o n s ]