i dreamt that i was a model..

pfft.

as if i would in real life.

sometimes i wonder if i had bothered to go for all the interviews or whatever you want to call them by "talent scouts", would i be on some billboard somewhere (again).

most of you guys dont know this but i was scouted when i was a kid and i modeled and represented certain things

sometimes i'm thankful that i didnt make it into that milo advert because i wouldnt be here if i did and sometimes i wonder.. where would i be now if i were in it.

now as i'm older.. fear gets to me more than it used to.

i dont have the guts to put myself out there and let people judge me based on how photo shop-ed beautiful i can be.

is it really fear?

fear that i wont be accepted.

and thats something that haunts me.

i wasnt a popular kid growing up and when i was 12.. i was one of the losers in class..

.. in secondary school, maybe i rose on the school hierarchy for being athletic, a christian, a prefect, skinny, shy, demure, and maybe also cause i dated a senior for a very short while.

there was just one problem..

that wasnt really me.

now that i've found me maybe i just dont want to get into that sort of unspoken pressure again.

but hey, who knows?

maybe one day i'll model again =)

xoxo
you know you love me

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